All,
I made a pretty thorough review of the -06 version of common-policy.
Overall, I'm pleased to say that the draft is really shaping up and
looking good to go. Most of my comments below are word smithing and
clarifications. There is one bigger issue, but I'll post that separately.
Cheers,
Aki
--- - Author's list: there are over 5 authors; suggest picking the 1-2 top contributors of text, tag them as Editors and dump the rest in a contributors section. - In abstract: s/controling/controlling - Introduction: add space between "in" and "Figure 1" - Terminology: definition of WR has an extra "be" in 2nd sentence - Chapter 3: last sentence of 1st para, "transformation policies" is an unknown term - Chaptter 3.1: lists several protocol acronyms, references missing. - Chapter 5: says wildcard matching is a non-goal, but the <identity><many /></identity> is effectively wildcard matching. Perhaps just stick to regexps being a non-goal. - Chapter 5: says no all-except conditions. Again, the <identity><many><except id="alice@example"/></many></identity> is exactly that. I suggest removing this as non-goal. - Chapter 6: 3rd para says that "time of day" can be a variable in the conditions. But since there is no repeat times, this is a little confusing. Suggest chaning to "date and time". - Chapter 6: A paragraph explaining how different conditions relate to each other might be helpfyl; essentialy saying that conditions are a logical AND-of-ORs construct. - Chapter 6: end of 4th para has a SHOULD, but does not explain when it is allowed to not deliver an intersection of the granted premissions. Suggest adding that, or changing to a MUST. - Chapter 7.1.3: first time mentions the <except> element, should it be explained somewhere earlier? - Chapter 7.1.3: i found the discussion of 'single-user' confusing. First of all, it is in angle brackets in the 2nd para, which makes it look like an XML element. Second, there's really only a few instances in the text where this is used in place of <one> and <except>, so those could be used instead. - Heading of Ch. 7.1.4.1: s/Entity/Identity - Heading of Ch. 7.1.4.2 and 7.1.4.3: add "Authenticated" before Identity. - Chapter 7.2: around line 9 (...causes to switch...): s/to/a - Chapter 7.2: third example rule: s/doe.com/doe.example.com - End of Chapter 7.2: add explanatory text about the last example (john@doe.com) as well. - Chapter 10.1: 2nd para around line 4, sentence "An attribute has a name, has a certain data tyoe", s/has/and? - Towards the end of 10.2: s/logical Or/logical OR - End of 10.2: lonely "More" at the end That's it! _______________________________________________ Geopriv mailing list Geopriv@ietf.org https://www1.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/geoprivReceived on Mon, 13 Feb 2006 11:18:29 +0200
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